


Every whisper, every sigh (eats away at this heart of mine)

by immcrtal



Category: Elite (2018), Elite (TV), Élite (TV 2018)
Genre: + his rl with nadia, F/M, sort of character study on guzy boy after everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:43:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immcrtal/pseuds/immcrtal
Summary: “We were supposed to be friends! Why do you hate me?” She asks again.Except, he could never hate her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from Sweet Nothing by Calvin Harris and Florence Welch

It’s been 3 months since school started back, since that horrible night, since his sister left him, since he actually saw and spoke to _her_.

Although he’s somewhat learned to cope with Marina’s death (by turning down every picture of her and punching walls), Nadia can’t seem to escape his mind. She’s always here in the flesh to remind him.

* * *

The words play in his mind everyday, ‘ _I swear, on all things sacred, I will stay away from her. I won’t even say hi.’_

It’s the only way he can survive without wanting to scream, _‘I fucking love you and I want to try this thing, whatever we can, whatever gives me the permission to be by your side.’_

It’s the only way he can get a grip every time he sees her, because it’s bigger than his feelings, than the potential relationship, or friendship they could’ve had and continue, it’s about her future, it’s about _her_. And he wouldn't put anything above it, he could never, she deserves to succeed, to live, be free, without anything holding her back, even if it meant never talking to her or acknowledging her smile.

* * *

He remembers the first time they saw each other after summer break. A smile almost crept up to his lips, _almost_ , until she opened her mouth.

“Why haven’t you actually taken any of my calls? As you can see, I’m here, my dad agreed and I-”

Her dad. The deal.

“Nadia, I’m busy now, we can’t talk-”

“Then when can we?” She asked with that soft smile of hers. _Fuck off._

And it broke his heart to say the next words. “Probably never.”

He didn’t wait for her reply just marched into to the men’s locker room. Silently cursing himself, hitting the nearest wall on his way in. 

* * *

Lu’s voice sometimes creeps into his mind, telling him  _‘she’s better off without you, love, look at her she’s excelling everywhere, thanks to you keeping your promise.’_

With that he sometimes hear Samuel and even his voice adding,  _‘-maybe if you had kept your promise to Marina, protected her, it would’ve been the same.’_

* * *

As the separation hits 8 months, Nadia stops trying, finally taking hint that him Lu are _extremely happy_ with each other.

He should consider that as some kind of fucked up victory, but the remaining parts of heart, just seem to clench even more.

Even Lu notices, though she comes off as rude, he knows Lu truly cares for him that’s why in a way it’s no surprise to him when she one day tells him, she’s tired.

“Listen, Guzmán, you’ve owned my heart since forever, and you’ll own it probably forever but, you’re miserable, and as much as I love you and keep you as some kind of trophy, and cherish you, I know your heart will never belong to me.” She says trying to sound bubbly with an edge to her voice.

“Lu, I love you, you’ve always be-”. He tried to say although his mouth suddenly dried up.

“Don’t bullshit me, why are you fighting it? Why are you fighting her off?” She snaps back holding an accusatory finger at him.

“For her sake Lu! Now please stay with me, if not for me, but for her, I swear it’s for her sake.” he begs.

She’s the only way to block Nadia out.

“I’ll stay as a friend only, Guzmán. Only as a friend, and only for you.”

He closes his eyes forcefully finally letting some tears escape. 

And Lu takes part on her say, stays by his side as he finally shows some kind of emotion other than rage _towards Nadia, towards Marina’s death towards everything._

* * *

A couple of weeks later Ander pays him a visit. They’ve always been close but recently he knows he’s been distant. Ander asks him how he’s doing, what’s going on with his personal life, trying to subtly get out some info on the coldness towards Nadia (probably thanks to Omar’s behind the scenes view of Nadia).

And Guzmán finally lets him in.

_Slowly he learns to open up._

* * *

Month 10 hits, and that’s when his heart rips despite the strings holding it together. 

He knew that eventually they’d get stuck, but he still feels his heart stop when their teacher pairs them up. 

His eyes drift to Lu, to Ander, they both nod at him.  _“Breathe, face it, face her.”_

As he looks at them, he sees Nadia twitch slightly, but he isn’t sure.

* * *

During break he digs through his activity on his phone to find her number. 

 

_Meet me at my place for the project at 5, don’t bother ringing the doorbell, it’ll be open._

* * *

He hears her come through the door although he doesn’t look up. Instead he takes his notebook in hand, and makes his way to his backyard, thankful that his parents are both busy in their own lives to be present.

He sits by the pool, mind drifting to one year old memories of her in the very exact spot he was.

She sits beside him, putting quite some distance between them.

He notices that she’s left her things in his living room, but brushes it off. 

Deciding the silence was only making it worse he opens his mouth.

But before he can even get a word out, she asks him, “Why do you hate me?”

And no he thought he could do this but he can’t not now, not-

He stands up heading towards the door but her words stop him.

“I can’t believe you hate me for coming back, I thought you’d be happy you know, thought you’d change from the person you were before, but seems like you hate me more now than you did when me, Samu and Christian came to the school, what did I do Guzmán?”

When he doesn’t reply. She continues.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to pay my respects to Marina, to come and visit you to see how you were doing, to talk to you, to- to just be by your side and help you? How it broke my heart to see you going through it without-”

She stops, and he hears her voice break.

“We were supposed to be friends! Why do you hate me?” She asks again.

_Except, he could never hate her._

She scoffs when he refuses to answer her, once again and heads towards the door brushing past him.

Now or never.

He quickly catches her arm, and he feels her still, he feels the beating of his heart increase, the only sound, pounding in his ears, is the sound of his heart.

She slowly turns to face him, and then their faces are inches apart.

He slowly unconsciously leans his forehead towards her, their foreheads touch. And suddenly breathing is slightly less painful.

They both breathe out, eyes closed, souls at peace.

_‘Breathe in_

_Breathe out_

_Face it_

_Face her_

_Tell her.’_

* * *


	2. So take my heart (it's all that's left)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> continuation of the ending of the first part but from Nadia's point of view.

As the night envelops them, and the sound of their soft breathing fills their ears, Guzman finally dares to open his mouth.

“Hate you?” He says.

“You foolish girl-” He adds in whispers.

Nadia pulls back abruptly, how dare he mock her, no screw him, she really thought he was gonna do something, anything, tell her what the hell has been going on but he decides to moc-

Before her mind can burst from rage, he speaks again.

_“You are foolish to think I would ever hate you, Nadia Shanaa.”_

The weight of her name on his lips, clears out her mind, and paralyzes her body. She wants to scream at him to ask him why he’s been avoiding her if that’s not the case, why hasn’t he been letting her in, why hasn’t he been responding to her calls, or looking her in the eye, or- But she can’t, she’s paralyzed. 

Her mind has ached for his words, for his voice, calling her name softly, teasing her, for god knows how many days. 

She’s ached for it so much that now, after all these months, her mind doesn’t know what the fuck is happening.

So instead of trying to say anything, she just lets her head fall to his shoulder. Letting the ache in her heart finally make a physical presence on her cheeks. 

* * *

At some point, she doesn’t know how nor does care really, they end up sitting on his bed, her legs crossed, head still on his shoulder, while the side of his own face laid upon the top of hers.

The silence is pleasing, and weightless. The tension that’s been ruining her nights and days is slowly starting to disappear.

The room is filled with beating of his heart, it’s the only thing her ears can hear, and _it’s reassuring._ She wonders what she would’ve done if something had happened to him on that awful night or the nights after it. She can’t bare to even imagine the ache she would’ve felt in her heart.

It would’ve incomparable to the pain she felt in the months where he ignored her with no reason.

As if he were reading her thoughts, Guzmán clears his throat.

they don’t move though, both stuck to each other’s warmth.

“I never wanted to hurt you, I- I swear I did this for you, and before you can interrupt me, I’ll tell you everything..”

She breathes out, at his rather dry apology but gives him a chance, just maybe so she could lay her head on his shoulder a bit longer.

“..Your dad he-” And no she can’t do this, this is some kind of shitty excuse.

She stands up abruptly, keeping her back towards him. She already misses his warmth.

“ _Nadia._.”

“No! Guzmán, that’s a shitty excuse, my dad let me stay, I told him straight, that if I were to attend I would be able to do what I want, talk to who I wanted, to talk with you and maybe even grow closer- But you? You didn’t even let me get to tell you the good news or even comfort you after that horrifying night, I can’t believe you’d actually use that as an excuse Guzman, no you can’t use it, it’s a shitty excuse and I deserve better!”

She waits for him to roll his eyes, or interrupt her while she’s talking but he stays quiet and looks at her with the saddest look she’s ever seen on him.

He waits a minute before speaking again. She almost doesn’t hear his answer, because of the way he says it, a whisper, a secret hidden in the depths of his heart.  _“Yeah you do deserve better.”_

His next words are louder with a confidence he hasn’t shown since the last time they spoke, which was months ago..

“But Nadia, I have to tell you the truth okay. I had no idea about your deal with your father because, I made a different deal with him beforehand. I saw him at that night, and I- he stutters, I asked him, almost begged him to let you stay in our school, I told him I’d do anything and everything for you to stay, and that included, never speaking to you again. I just wanted you to get a shot at being the amazing student and person you are, permanently, and I didn’t- I don’t care at what cost it was, because you are more important than _some school_ boy crush I have.”

She tries to process everything he’s just dropped on her as she feels his eyes burning holes in the back of her hijab. It’s too much, in too little time, she feels foolish, mad, and pity.

 _He’s been suffering as much as you have been_ , her mind tells her.

She finally turns and sees him, head lowered, eyes to the ground, avoiding her image.

They’ve suffered enough for her to add more salt into the wounds they’ve opened up, so she slowly walks towards him, and lifts his head up by gently grasping his chin.

And she sees his cheeks, with streaks of tears. Her fingers brush over them, wiping them away. She focuses her gaze on his cheeks to avoid his eyes. But when her own eyes start spilling tears and Guzmán mimics her actions from a minute ago.

Grasping her chin, he gently lifts her face up, so that her gaze lands on his. 

So many things are still left unsaid, but as they look into each other’s eyes, they both agree that for now, what was needed to be said had been said.

To confirm their joined thoughts, he presses his lips to her forehead.

* * *

_They’ll get through it. Together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this might be a mess because I wrote it very quickly but so many people wanted a bit more so hopefully this isn't too bad <3

**Author's Note:**

> for nardos <3
> 
>  
> 
> and before you guys judge me about the lu/guz friendship, please have in mind that he's literally the only person she actually cares about, and willing to sacrifice for / despite being a horrible human being . and this is in no way excusing her awful racist ass


End file.
